I have a new winter look for my blog, but I have to admit that I’m not feeling too festive.  I have always loved Fall and Winter, but lately my heart’s just not in it.  Part of it is seeing all the lights and decorations and hearing the music.  I am reminded of December 2003, as I entered the final weeks of my pregnancy with Rebecca.  What a joyful time that was!  As the world prepared to celebrate the birth of Christ, I was preparing for the birth of my own baby.  The clever little thing arrived just 3 days before Christmas and we came home from the hospital on Christmas Eve.  What could be more perfect, than a brand new baby for Christmas?  It would be the only Christmas we got to spend with her.  And so now, as the world again prepares to celebrate the birth of a baby, my  heart aches for my own baby.  It doesn’t make for a very merry season.

I have a sign that says "It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" but I don’t put it up anymore.

I think that knowing that this season brings me such sadness it what drives me to be so organized for Christmas.  While everyone else is bustling around buying presents, I would much rather stay home and pull a blanket over my head.  So keeping things simple and organized keeps me sane.  I have to "do" Christmas for my other children.  They deserve the happy times, because God knows that their little hearts have already been smashed into enough peices.

And to top it all off, our house is filled with moving boxes once again.  Our unexpected, emergency move has really put a damper on the season.  Taking pictures of our ruined, moldy possessions for our insurance isn’t exactly my idea of holiday fare. My husband says that he does know where the decorations are, so we will attempt to put them up this weekend.  I have managed to get a small portion of the living room unpacked and set up, with enough room to put up the tree.  As long as all the Christmas pictures are only taken facing the tree, the chaos of the rest of the house won’t be seen.  I just hope I can figure out where all the Christmas presents got packed away to.

As you can see, I’m really struggling here.  Maybe after this big cold front passes us and our temperature drops from 74 degrees today to 43 degrees tomorrow, my mood will improve.  Maybe seeing Christmas lights on our house will help, too.  Some nice thick eggnog and John Denver’s Rocky Mountain Christmas album might do the trick.  Maybe some prayers from my faithful blog readers, all 12 of you.

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