Work to Be Done

Well, it looks like our PC may need a reformatted hard drive.  Alas, poor computer, I knew it well.  At least we’d been doing daily online backups, so if I really wanted, I could restore all our files right to the laptop.  Except that I have a love-hate relationship with Windows Vista (WHERE is “my computer” already?!?!).

I was all set to tell you how Philip and I get to sponsor our neighbors and friends into the Catholic church.  We had a very interesting Rite of Initiation at mass today.  But later in the day, we lit our candle for Becca during the World Wide Candle Lighting.  In doing so,we unleashed the proverbial flood of tears in Boo.

Boo had a tough time when Rebecca died.  He has always loved babies and he was very close with her.  He was only 5 years old when she left us, old enough to remember.  He surprised me tonight with the amount of details he recalled and with the level of grief he is still experiencing.  It’s hard to guide a child through that kind of grief, you just don’t know how they’re truly doing.

We watched a lot of TV that first year.  I was pregnant with Bip, wading through my own grief, still schooling Boo and Pumpkin and overall trying to survive.  We watched Oprah and Dr. Phil whenever the subjects were OK for the children to see and Boo wanted to go talk to Dr. Phil.  We did see a family counselor during this time, but he had wanted to work with just Philip and I at first, then we moved before he got a chance to talk to Boo.

Boo doesn’t like to think about Rebecca because it hurts too much.  That makes me so sad, because they loved each other very much.  All three of my oldest children had such happy times together and those times are worth cherishing. Boo needs to reach a place where he can remember her for the blessing that she was.  He says that he would like to go talk to someone who can help him, as long as that person is nice like Dr. Phil.

It’s been 4 years now and Boo needs to heal.  I don’t know what sort of stuff Boo has been bottling up this whole time, but he needs to set himself free.  He needs to grieve completely and get to that place – I guess it would be “acceptance” on the grief chart- where he can be at peace.  Though none of us will really accept Rebecca being gone.  We just learn to live with it.

My boy has much work to be done.  Please pray for him as we start this new journey together.

More Mac and Cheese, please!


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