Remembering

Five years ago today, our sweet baby Rebecca entered our Lord’s Heavenly Kingdom.

I’d like to say that it has gotten easier, but it hasn’t.  You don’t really recover completely from the death of a child.  It’s not the natural order of things.  It’s just not right.

The pain does dull over time.  It’s like a scar – it’s always there, a constant reminder.  Sometimes it hurts so badly it feels like you’ll never be able to stand up.  But as time goes by, it doesn’t hurt as sharply.  But it never goes away.

Our family not only survives each day without Rebecca, but we are managing to thrive.  Not because of some great inner strength, but because of faith.  Our God has promised us that we will see Rebecca again and be with her for all eternity.  We know that she is basking in His glory right now.

I’m happy for her.  I really am.  She was wonderfully and perfectly made and she is now free from all human trappings.  She is the lucky one.

But I miss her. I miss her fat legs and soft cheeks.  I miss the way I’d stroke her head while she nursed and she’d grab my hand.  I miss her turning my cheek to kiss me.  I miss the mischief in her eyes.

When an adult dies, we mourn for what used to be.  When a child dies, we mourn for what should have been.

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