Archive - January 2013

I Got Older
Tears into Dancing
Moving on
Not Looking Back at 2012

I Got Older

I had a birthday last weekend, as I do this time of year. And because I’m so special, Monday was a holiday, too. You’re welcome.

I bought myself a cake from the local Danish bakery. I think they’re Danish. They have some long name with lots of letters and a pronunciation that has little to do with all those letters. Normally that would have annoyed me – buying my own cake, not trying to pronounce the name – but I am trying to grow in this area. I’ve probably reached the halfway point in my life, so I’m just going to buy whatever cake I want and get over myself.

With some well placed, if not subtle, hints and an Amazon wish list, I received some very nice gifts from my family. My kids replaced the cookbook they carelessly and unknowingly got computer ink all over. How did they do this? I know not. But now I have a new one, so it’s all good. A friend left some See’s lollipops on my front door.  How did she know these were a staple of my childhood? Hubby bought me the 25th anniversary Phantom of the Opera production DVD. It’s fabulous! Have you seen it? If not, go right this moment and put it in your Netflix queue. You can stream it tonight! I’ve totally hooked Pumpkin Girl on it. Now when I break into song, she’s likely to join me. “I gave you my music, made your song take wing…”

Oh, and Philip brought me roses, too!

Then Red Robin (the restaurant) totally tried to ruin my day. We decided to go there for dinner. They gave us a 10-15 minute wait time. We probably only go there once a year and they are always busy, but we never have to wait all that long. This time, however, we waited 35 minutes to be seated. They kept telling us we were next for a big table. I was super annoyed, but willing to give them a chance, but I was standing up and getting ready to leave when I could hear they were getting ready to call us. So we got to our table and placed an order for appetizers and drinks. Another group was seated next to us shortly after we were seated and they placed their order, too. Fifteen minutes later, we had no drinks and no food and had not placed our main order. Then the table next to us got their appetizers, which happened to be the same one we ordered. That was the final straw. We ended up walking out before anything came to our table. By this time it was nearly 7 PM, we were all very hungry and I was pretty angry.

We salvaged our evening with food from Sonic (great service there!), lots of laughter and my chocolate raspberry cake.

Tears into Dancing

My grandfather died yesterday. To say he has always been there in my life is like…no duh. But I mean he has always *been there* for me. I don’t like to think he no longer is.

When I was in kindergarten and first grade he used to make me bacon and egg sandwiches wrapped in wax paper and a paper towel for my school lunch. When I grew up, moved away and had kids of my own, he always told me he loved me and was proud of me. And I knew it. I just knew it.

He called me “mija”, pronounced “mee-ha”. It means “my little girl”. My kids and I called him Papa T. It’s short for Grandpa Tony.

He bought me a 49er Starter Jacket for my 16th birthday. Oh how I loved that jacket! I still have it. It was not a Super Bowl years for the 49ers, and he tucked a note into the pocket that said, “we’ll get ’em next year.”

Me, my grandpa and dad, 1988.

He passed away quietly, surrounded by family, in the home he’d lived in for longer than I’ve even been around.

And life goes on. Six hours later, Bip made his First Reconciliation. He asked to practice one more time before we left the house, just to make sure. He had a brief moment of panic as we walked up to the church when he thought he’d forgotten to make an examine of conscious. Then I reminded him that we had reviewed that together earlier in the week. He clung to my hand during most of the brief service beforehand, then lined up with his classmates to go get good with God.

When he had finished, he came skipping out, a broad smile lighting up his face. He was happy and lighter and filled with God’s goodness and grace. He skipped all the way out of church.

Bip, Clean and Shiny

We came home and we celebrated with ice cream, Bip’s choice. We celebrated Papa T, who always said ice cream is good for you because it’s made of milk! We celebrated Bip, who is starting down a new path in his Catholic faith.

Life is like that sometimes. Endings and beginnings are often intertwined. We celebrate what we have gained at the same time we mourn what was lost.

Sometimes our tears turn into dancing. God can be good like that.

Moving on

I took this down from our office wall last week.

A calendar, stuck at April 2010, buckling with the weight of sitting there for close to 3 years.

When we first moved to CO, we had three children at home, ages 4, 8 and 10. The youngest was just starting preschool type work, mostly for fun and to get him into the habit of daily schoolwork. The older two were gaining independence and were generally finished with school by 2 PM at the latest. The youngest still napped.

I had a good routine, I accomplished many things and everything felt mostly under control.

Then I was pregnant with Pipsqueak. I slept and slept and slept some more. All day nausea became my new BFF. Schoolwork, housework, everything fell to the wayside. I felt things just slipping away.

I finally just gave up.

Can you guess when that was? Yep, April 2010. It was too much to even move the calendar.

Pipsqueak arrived and we had to reinvent everything. We hadn’t had a baby in the house for five years. Things didn’t go as well as I’d hoped and Pipsqueak would not nap without me. He still won’t. As I type, he is napping next to me, one foot resting on my leg. I know better than to even attempt to sneak out. I lose hours everyday to that precious, little tyrant! (He’s getting better, though. I can often sneak off and sit in the armchair and knit or work on the computer for a bit.)

You can imagine the toll this has taken on the house. So much work piling up – literally, as things that need to be put away are stacked in any free space. So much to do, so little time and energy, I couldn’t even change the calendar.

But I did it, finally. Goodbye, April 2010 with your nausea and massive naps. Hello 2013, with a baby learning that being asleep without mama is safe, and with older children more capable of pulling the load a bit. Sorry 2010, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m moving on.






Quiet at times, boisterous at others.

Loves a good book.

Hovering in the brief moment between being a young girl and being a young woman.

Creative.  Loving.  Sensitive.

This is my Pumpkin Girl and now she is twelve.

Not Looking Back at 2012

Happy New Year!  Is anybody still out there?  I hope so and I thank you for sticking with me.

In writing this post I realized just how little blogging I did last year.  Hopefully I can remedy that this year.  I’m making some changes in our home that should make things go a little more smoothly and free up a little more of my time.

I tried to write a 2012 wrap-up post but there were many months when I only blogged twice.  Not too exciting and nothing to look back on.  Part of the problem is that as my children have gotten older, they started reading my blog.  I feel the burden of censoring now that they are part of the audience.  There are also a couple of people who like to let me know that they expect me to have something new on my blog all the time and are disappointed when I don’t.  Nothing kills my creativity more than people pointing out how I’ve let them down.

So here I am, not looking back at 2012.  Hoping I can recapture some time and creativity and funnel that back into my blog.


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