I Don’t Make This Stuff Up

Boo came banging through the front door on Sunday. “Knights!” he said. “Knights in shining armor!” I was cleaning up around the house, now that the chaos of the previous week’s adventures, illnesses and performances were over.

“Knights? ” I asked.

“Yes, knights! In the baseball field! They’re fighting,” Boo gasped.

“Little kids dressed as knights or grownups?” I wanted to know.

“Grownups dressed as knights,” was the answer.

Well, this I had to see, so I called the rest of the family, grabbed the camera (blog fodder!) and headed out to the field adjacent to our house.

Sure enough…knights in shining armor, fighting pretty much in our backyard.

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I swear I don’t make this stuff up.

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We’ve had geese, fighting rabbits, mallards, Cookie Monster and even a bald eagle or two soaring overhead, but never knights.

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It’s a good thing I have a blog. From the White House on Monday, all of us sick in bed on Tuesday through Thursday, Boo and Pumpkin dancing on stage on Friday and Saturday and now knights in shining armor in our backyard on Sunday. If it wasn’t my own life, I’d never believe it.

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(You can see both our old flooded out house and our current house in this picture. The old house is on the far left, the new house is directly behind the guy’s head)

These are some of the recent Google searches that have led people to my little ol’ blog.  In the interest of making my blog a warm and inviting place to be, I have tried to supply the information that people were looking for.

1. How do pirates celebrate Christmas?
willturner.jpg Well, since most pirates bore little resemblance to Captain Jack and Will Turner, (either in looks or behavior) I would guess that pirates didn’t do much to celebrate the birth of Jesus. However, Boo says that pirates celebrate Christmas by drinking eggnog – glug, glug, glug!

Yeah, and like I need an excuse to put this picture on my blog!

2. My house is always trashed.
Sorry, you’re on your own here.

3.  itunes I’m getting married to lorri
I swear that was really a search. Even spelled my name right. I have no idea what it means though.  Unless my husband has secret career in song writing.

4. What happens if my vistaprint order is late?
I’m guessing that it won’t arrive on time?

5. Where does Mac and Cheese come from?
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6. Does mac and cheese go bad?
This is the number one search phrase for my blog. The answer is yes. No matter how hard we try, mac and cheese will sometimes go bad.  Why?  Poor parenting, falling in with the wrong crowd, we may never know.

7. Songs about Lorri
Another one? What is this all about? Really, I must know.

8. Mac and cheese poems
Honestly, this is getting silly. I’ve gotten this search a couple of times, but I’m afraid that whoever is looking has been disappointed. So to remedy that, I have composed a little something I called “Ode to the Mac and Cheese”

ahem

Mac and Cheese
We love to eat it
When we cook
We don’t have to beat it

Creamy cheese
and pasta, too
Sad to say,
One serving won’t do

Oh warm and comforting Mac and Cheese
Why can’t you have low calories?

9.  How to dress up Mac and Cheese
Don’t bother.  You can dress it up, but you can’t take it out.

Dear Online Scrapbook Company,

Thank you for your quick response to my inquiry.  As I stated, on your order form, you do not have an option for Washington, DC which means that I cannot order from your company.  Directing me to look for “Washington State” on the list and telling me that I should “have no problem finding it” was not exactly the help I was looking for.

This would be wonderful and accurate advice if I actually lived in Washington State.  Again, I live in Washington, DC.  You know, our nation’s Capital.  While similar in name, the two are in fact, different and are several thousand miles apart.  I need you to list DC or District of Columbia on your list.  If I was to choose Washington, my package would probably be lost.

Because you have chosen not to address my actual problem, I will be spending my money elsewhere.

Thank you,

Lorri in Washington, DC

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