September 11th means something different to me than it does to everyone else.
It’s still a sad day and one I would like to forget. A day where if I could turn back time and with full knowledge of the events to follow, make one single change, I would.
Frankly, I would like to forget this day, but I can’t. Because of the significance of 9-11 to the rest of the world, I am fully aware that this day is coming. I am painfully aware all day.
Three years ago, it was a day like today. Cloudy, warm, humid and threatening to rain. Our 8 month old baby, Rebecca was sick and had been for over a week. We decided to take her in to the ER rather than trying to wait out the rest of the weekend. Who wants to go to the ER on a Saturday morning, in the rain? I just knew I’d be given the ol’ “it’s just a virus” brush off. But I wanted to make sure she wasn’t dehydrated, so the two of us went.
I was right, I was told it was a “virus”, or that maybe she’d developed an allergy to breastmilk, which is why she’d been vomiting for 10 days. Um, right. We were in and out of that ER in one hour.
If I could go back and relive just one hour of my life, it would be that hour. I would leave the older children with a neighbor and have Philip come with us. I would insist that my baby was sick and that maybe they should at least do some basic tests. Bloodwork, for a start and a urinalysis.
It would have changed everything.
But I can’t go back. I can only try to go forward. I can only try to forget that on September 11, 2004, Rebecca and I left the ER with a fact sheet and a bottle of Tylenol. She should have been admitted to the hospital that night. It might have saved her life. Instead, today marks the beginning of the end.
I think Green Day actually said it best…wake me up when September ends.
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Lorri, words can’t express how sorry I am for what happened. You are all in our heartfelt prayers here this September!!
((((LORRI))) I do, and continue to pray for you and all of your family. May you find peace. God Rest Rebecca’s little soul.
Lots of prayers, Lorri.
Continuing to pray for God’s healing in your life…I have comfort in the fact that Rebecca is happy today; full of joy that we cannot fully comprehend. May God grant you his peace today.
Oh Lorri – I never realized how much in common our losses were! We too were dealing with a virus – just a cold…except it was really Pneumonia and RSV. We were sent home on Friday and by Saturday morning Joshua was gone.
For me – it’s February, March, April….
I’m praying for you today!!”
I am so sorry for your loss. We were in a similar situation with a daughter who was thankfully admitted to the hospital and lived. At the time I was scared, but never knew how dangerous the situation was until I heard your story. I will be giving my little girl a big hug today and be asking your little girl to pray for her.
I am so very sorry. I cannot imagine your pain. I am praying for our God to console you and carry you through this with His grace.
Gosh, and I thought Sept 11 was bad enough for the world, but I can’t imagine adding the death of a little one into the mix. So sorry that your memories of 9/11 are made even that much worse. You will be in my prayers during this tough month.
Oh Lorri, I have no words. I’m so sorry.
As I read your entry, the tears would not stop. So many thoughts…so many memories. Rainbows have been filling our home every morning for the last few weeks, as our prism catches the sun’s morning light. I smile and always say, “Good morning little Sweetheart! We love you!” Rebecca sends us rainbows to remind us,
“Do not stand by my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die.” I am a rainbow in the sky!
I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Know that I am praying for you.
((Lorri))
I can’t imagine how much today–and all the days surrounding it–hurt. May God bless you with a miraculous peace and wonderful memories of the moments that weren’t tinged with impending loss.
Lorri,
There is nothing more I could say that you have not already heard, thought or felt. Just know that your sisters in Christ are praying for you and hold you up in the darkest of times.
~Angel
Lorri, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. May God cradle you all with his tremendous love and mercy. May He give you peace and healing. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Blessings of comfort and healing on you, Lorri.