Loss and Recovery
Seven years later and I think I can talk about this.
One of my very first blog posts was about my favorite bookmark. I’d had it since I was a little girl. It was always in my favorite book of the moment. It had aged over time and gotten wrinkled. At some point I had gotten an ink mark on it and I tried to cover it with some White-Out. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that the paper wasn’t actually white, so my repair probably made it worse. I covered it with Contact Paper to protect it from further assaults.
My bookmark had no real value, other than I loved it. I actually I have a whole collection of bookmarks from my childhood…somewhere around here. But this one was special. Over the years it would sort of float around, get lost and get found again. But I always found it.
When I was young and would check out 15 or so books from the library at a time, I learned to check each book quickly for bookmarks before returning them. I have done this faithfully my entire life. Without fail. Never.
And then it happened. My favorite bookmark was being used in a book I was reading to the children. A highly illustrated, glossy page edition of “Alice in Wonderland”, if I remember correctly. The children went to library with their dad and that particular book needed to be renewed.
It was not checked for bookmarks.
My bookmark did not return.
It seems silly, doesn’t it, to grieve over something like that. I could delve deeply into my mind and explain it all to you, but I won’t. I will sum it up, though. It has to do not only with the memories of a lifetime of wonderful books but with the way I take care of the people and things that I love. Or fail to take care of them, through no fault of my own.
Pumpkin Girl says I have a wonderfully tragic back-story. She’s right. Losing the bookmark symbolized so many other things, which is why it has taken me this long to talk about it.
My bookmark is gone. There, I’ve said it.
The one saving grace was that I had scanned it for this blog which meant that I still have the little illustration. I tried printing it off, but it came out fuzzy so I gave up and put it out of my mind.
A few years later I tried again but it was still fuzzy, even with my mad Photoshop skillz.
And now I’ve figured it out. I recreated it. It’s not the same, but it is close. I can put that particular loss behind me. And I can make Pumpkin Girl her own copy.
