8 Months, 3 weeks

Today Pipsqueak is exactly the same age as Rebecca was the last time we saw her.

What strikes me first is that we didn’t have her for very long. And yet, she transformed our lives so completely. So much happiness in one little body.

The grief doesn’t go away. It doesn’t even get better. It does change though, becomes more manageable. It becomes something that you can live with, more or less. Some days more, some days less. It manifests itself in surprising ways. Even with the two babies that came after Rebecca, she is still missed so very much.

Eight months, 3 weeks. There was still so much left to do.

There still is.

__________________________________
You can read more about my grief journey here: Grief and Love

Print Friendly, PDF & EmailPrint Friendly

I’m Underpaid

A part of Boo’s promotion requirements to first class scout included talking to a civil servant about the Constitution. There may have been more to it than that, but that’s the important part. He and a couple of other scouts chose to talk with one of the scout dads that was at camp for the week.

As they sat down, the dad started talking about “we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” An honest enough mistake, right? In fact, you might even be reading this and wondering what was wrong.

Boo caught it right away. He said, “Actually, that’s the Declaration of Independence. The Constitution is the one that starts, ‘We, the people, in order to form a more perfect union…” and then proceeded to rattle off the whole preamble.

The dad said, “You’re right! I got the wrong document!” and they moved on with the discussion.

I think we should all stand up and applaud Boo’s history teacher, don’t you think?

Oh, wait…

Print Friendly, PDF & EmailPrint Friendly

Bits of Summer

*Pumpkin Girl has been going to dance workshops for the last 3 weeks. First it was ballet focused, with 3 hours of dance every day plus stretch and conditioning classes. Some new muscle on her ached every day, including her arches! They also had classes on good nutrition, how to make a ballet bun and short talks by the guest instructors on their professional careers.

*Getting a lunch and snack together and driving to and from the dance studio every day sure takes a lot of getting used to. You know how people always tell homeschoolers, “I don’t know how you do it!” ? I don’t know how they do it!

*Boo went to scout camp last week. He left as a 2nd class scout and returned as a first class scout. He earned his wood working, leather working and swimming merit badges. It was tough having both him and Pumpkin Girl gone.

*Bip and I watched a lot of movies together during the week.

*Pipsqueak is very into eating solid food. He’s enjoyed everything I’ve offered him, but he loves blueberries in particular. He cries when I just get up to get him some more.

*I’m loving me some air conditioning in the afternoons! Not as much as I loved it when I set it around 70 and ran it from May to October. But that was back when we weren’t paying for electricity. But still, it’s nice to be able to say, “OK, it’s too hot. Everyone close the windows and turn your a/c on!”

*The weather is actually quite nice. It gets hot, clouds over, rains,clears and cools. Every day.

*I’m a little more than halfway through my second watercolor class. More pictures to come.

*My children are begging me to let them buy ice cream from the ice cream man. It’s just so expensive! I’ll probably let them this week since it’s going to be so hot. But just the one time since we can buy the same ice cream at the store for much cheaper.

*I actually don’t like summer. The only thing to love about summer (for me) is knowing that as soon as it’s over, Fall will be here.

So how about you? What’s your favorite thing about summer?

Print Friendly, PDF & EmailPrint Friendly

Me and the Boys

My children are at Totus Tuus this week. I can’t really call it Catholic VBS because it is more than that. It’s more like a retreat. They have games and singing, but no crafts. They go to mass everyday, they did Stations of the Cross and those old enough went to Confession. Their classes are meant to really dig into their faith and give them a better understanding of being Catholic and most importantly, bring them closer to God.

Pumpkin Girl and Bip go during the day and stay all day, 9-3. For the first time ever, we’re packing lunches the night before – we even rustled up some insulated lunch bags. We’re getting up at a set time in the morning, loading up the car and heading out. When they come home we have deeply meaningful conversations like this:

Me: How was your day?

Them: Good.

Me: Did you have fun?

Them: Yes.

Me: What did you do?

Them: Played games.

Me: And…?

Them: Uh…learned about Issac.

So fun, our little taste of traditional school!

They usually tell me more and more as the evening wears on. What they learned about Issac and his connection to Jesus was fascinating. I’ll tell you about it another time.

Boo goes to Totus Tuus in the evenings, being a big middle schooler and all. I was so happy at first, thinking it would be just me and Pipsqueak this week! I was crushed to learn that no, the middle ones would be gone during the day, leaving me with the Boy Who Talks all day. Or The Boy Who Talks All Day. Whichever.

So I’m spending the week with my oldest and youngest boys. It’s actually going well. Boo is old enough to take care of Pipsqueak while I run the others to the church in the morning. He can also help me with lunch if my hands are full. Right now he’s actually got Pipsqueak at the park. And if I turn my head j-u-s-t so, I can see them at the swings from where I’m sitting.

I’m making Boo do two math lessons a day. We both thought it was going to be pure torture, but he fell very far behind this year and we really do need to make some progress. Turns out though, when it’s just me and him, he can whip through two lessons in about 20 minutes instead of the 2 hours it can take him to do one lesson. Remarkable.

Yesterday we took Pipsqueak to the park together. Tomorrow we’re going to be planting some flowers. Friday I’m taking them to get portraits of Pipsqueak done. A couple of times we all sat on the deck while Boo ate breakfast and told me about his Totus Tuus experience of the night before. He sits in his chair, eating Rice Krispies, sipping coffee (decaf!), and I observe his giant feet and the man-paws he calls hands. His face is becoming more chiseled. In my lap is a chubby baby, busy with trying to grab everything he can and stuff it in his mouth.

My oldest and my youngest. Eleven years, 360 days apart. One halfway to manhood, the other just starting his journey through life. This week, its just the three of us.

Print Friendly, PDF & EmailPrint Friendly

Freaking Out

Once upon a time when Boo and Pumpkin Girl were very little and it was just the two of them, Boo was…oh how shall we say it? He was clingy. He needed me a-l-l the time. He wanted me to play with him, interact with him, be with him constantly. I did manage to get him to where he could play on his own, as long as I was in the same room, sitting on the floor and within arms reach. He was three years old and Pumpkin was about one.

Every time I needed to use the bathroom I would announce, “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” I would walk to the bathroom and Boo could see me the whole time. The only time I was out of eyesight was when I actually closed – and locked- the door. Then he would cry, run after me and knock on the door. Pumpkin would toddle after him, since apparently the party had moved over here by the bathroom. She’d pound on the door, too, because this was part of the game. Sometimes she’d even join in on the crying.

I would finish up and open the door and ask them why they were freaking out. Boo would say, “You went away!” I would tell him, “I went to the bathroom. I told you where I was going. I told you I’d be back. Look! Here I am!”

We’d go through the whole routine a couple of times a day.

At some point I changed what I said to be “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back. Stay here. Don’t. Freak. Out.”

One day I just said, “I’m going to the bathroom. Stay here.”

To which Boo replied, “But what if we freak out?!?”

“Then everything will be the same as always.”

Post Script – Even though many years have passed, my children all seem to have some sort of uncanny sensing ability. The minute I go into my room, close the door, enter the bathroom and close the door and go into the little potty closet and close that door…someone barges into the bedroom. “Mom? Mom? Mom?” they call out. “I’m in the bathroom. GO AWAY!” I say through gritted teeth. And in my head I’m thinking, “And just stop freaking out!”

Print Friendly, PDF & EmailPrint Friendly

Copyright The Mac and Cheese Chronicles 2020.  All rights reserved. Images and content may not be used without express permission.