Six years ago and half a world away, a sweet baby came into this world.  We brought her home from the hospital on Christmas Eve and we all fell in love with her. God entrusted her to our care for just a short time, but we are so happy that He gave us the chance to love her and be loved by her in return.
Happy Birthday, Rebecca. Our lives are better for having had you.
How are your holiday preparations going? I don’t mind saying “holidays” instead of “Christmas” because there are many celebrations at this time of year, which include the Feast of St. Nicholas, St. Lucia Day, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe and continue through New Year’s Day and Epiphany.
This time of year can be so wonderful, the beauty of the decorations, the thrill of impending presents and the love and joy that abounds everywhere.  But all that happiness and love and togetherness can be very difficult for those of us who have lost a child.
The phrase, “at least we’re all together” rings hollow when a child is missing from the gathering. All that merriness can be a bunch of bah humbug when your heart is broken. And all that talk of a child being born – ack, can it get any worse?
This coming Sunday, December 13 is the annual Worldwide Candle Lighting to remember the children who have died.
I would like to invite you all to participate. At 7 PM local time on December 13, just light a candle and keep it burning for one hour. In this way, we can create a wave of light for 24 hours to remember the children.
I ask you to do this for me, to remember our Rebecca. When you do, please say a prayer, not just for me, but for all the families who have been left behind. Please remember especially, those families who have lost a child this year. Please also pray for those who do not have a faith to rely on, or who have turned away from God in their grief. But lastly, please thank the Lord for those children who, though they stayed with us too briefly, brought us immense joy.
Five years ago today, our sweet baby Rebecca entered our Lord’s Heavenly Kingdom.
I’d like to say that it has gotten easier, but it hasn’t. You don’t really recover completely from the death of a child. It’s not the natural order of things. It’s just not right.
The pain does dull over time. It’s like a scar – it’s always there, a constant reminder. Sometimes it hurts so badly it feels like you’ll never be able to stand up. But as time goes by, it doesn’t hurt as sharply. But it never goes away.
Our family not only survives each day without Rebecca, but we are managing to thrive. Not because of some great inner strength, but because of faith. Our God has promised us that we will see Rebecca again and be with her for all eternity. We know that she is basking in His glory right now.
I’m happy for her. I really am. She was wonderfully and perfectly made and she is now free from all human trappings. She is the lucky one.
But I miss her. I miss her fat legs and soft cheeks. I miss the way I’d stroke her head while she nursed and she’d grab my hand. I miss her turning my cheek to kiss me. I miss the mischief in her eyes.
When an adult dies, we mourn for what used to be. When a child dies, we mourn for what should have been.
We’re busy getting ready to move. Not just move, but retire and buy a house, too. We’ve gotten rid of a lot of things and yet we still have a ton of stuff. I took down all the children’s drawings, awards and what-not they had taped to their walls, along with the Mickey Mouse Wall Stickers in the playroom.  I keep crossing things off the list, but it doesn’t seem to get any shorter.
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We’ve been going to family grief counseling for a few weeks. It’s been helpful for all us, even though poking at the hurty spot is never easy. The counselor is working with me for PTSD. It’s weird to think that I have that, I thought I was the healthy one in the family! But it does explain the strange anxieties that have been creeping into my head lately. In a way, it feels better to know that they are caused by the trauma of Becca’s death, rather than me starting to go crazy.
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We’re flying to Colorado next week to buy a house. The children are not as excited as I thought they would be. They told me that they don’t want to move. We’ve lived here for 4 years and while they do remember living other places, we’ve all put down some roots here. Maybe after we have a house, it’ll be easier.
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When I told Pumpkin Girl’s piano teacher that we are moving, he said, “Oh no, not my piano prodigy!” I’m not sure what to make of that. I had suspected that she is gifted in piano, but I wondered if I was just seeing what I wanted to see. But then again…she’s got me as her mother. (toot toot) (that was me, blowing my own horn). I told her teacher that when she plays Carnegie Hall, we’ll be sure to invite him.
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Philip’s retirement ceremony is June 10th. I’m quietly freaking out about it. We need to choose a design for a cake.  (Remember the cake at his last promotion?)We’re thinking about a big fish, with the words, “So long and thanks for all the fish”. But we’re not sure if enough people will get it. Another option is a thumbs up with the words “Well done”. Or a car driving away with “Outta here”. What do you think?
Pumpking Girl reminds me that I have been remiss in showing you all her First Communion banner. Bad mom!
She had her own ideas of what to include on her banner, but several of them were way beyond my drawing abilities or wouldn’t work well with felt. We took her basic idea, sketched some figures and while looking for a model of a dove, we found a sticker in her take-home pages from Religious Education that was what she wanted.
I cut, she glued.
We used the same foam letters that we used with Boo’s banner (I’ve blurred her real name out) and she was very pleased with the result.
Oh! I can’t forget – my mom brought me the class picture from my own First Communion. Check it out:
I took a picture through the frame instead of scanning it, thus the poor quality and the glare. But you get the point.
Pumpkin Girl made her First Communion on the day before Mother’s Day. She and I attended a retreat the weekend before where she did several crafts and we made unleavened bread together. It was a special treat to spend the afternoon with her.
The big day rolled around and her class and their families gathered together for breakfast at the church and a brief rehearsal. Then home for several hours and back for mass in the evening.
Boo got to serve mass that day, at his request. Just between you and me, he really does love his sister!
First Communion time is looming. We have a dress and shoes and stockings. I have a gift planned. The banner is ready. The only thing really left to take care of is the veil.
I don’t know how it happened, but when I made my first communion I ended up with a rented dress and veil. There aren’t any pictures of me that day, either. It’s disappointing, not having anything to pass along to my daughter for her First Communion.
Then I heard about somebody’s tradition of passing along their wedding veil to their daughter for First Communion. My bridal veil is in two pieces, a circlet of flowers plus a separate veil. The veil is much too long for an 8 year old, but the circlet of flowers is perfect.
So we went in search of an appropriate veil. We found the perfect one, a miniature version of the veil I wore when I became her father’s bride. Mine was edged with pearls, hers is edged with satin.
When it arrived, she tried it on with my head piece. It – she – is beautiful.
While watching Star Wars, when someone says, “May the Force be with you,” you have the irresistable urge to reply, “And also with you.”
That’s all I’ve got for today. Just a quick post to let you know we survived the folklorico performance, and now we need to unpack the various and sundry costumes and accessories. I’ll be back with a real post as soon as I get all that done.
” He is not here: for he is risen, as he said.
Come, see the place where the Lord lay.”
Matthew 28:6
Have a Blessed Easter, everyone!
THANK YOU! To everyone who helped or volunteered to help us locate a replacement Wohtee. I had taken a picture of the bottom of the car and was on my blog’s admin site to upload the picture, when I saw I had one comment that was pending approval. That comment was from Phil’s brother and he had left 2 links which correctly identified Wohtee as the Ferrari F40, plus he found a blue one on Amazon.com. ( I think the comment went in the moderation queue as an anti-spam measure since it contained 2 links.) I Googled all morning for a Ferrari F40 in blue and couldn’t find it. So Donald, I bow to your superior search skills.
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We’ve been spending a lot of time in church lately. Last Saturday we participated in the parish’s Seder Service potluck. Lots of yummy food and Boo got to read the part of the youngest child asking the “why” questions.
We attended mass on Holy Thursday and Philip was one of the 12 men to get their feet washed.  When they were finished, they each came down and washed the feet of their families. The water was COLD!. Bip thought it was great fun.
Good Friday was just an amazing service. So beautiful, so stark, so sad, so hopeful. Boo was an altar server, so he was excited to tell us that he “didn’t do too badly” with all the new things he needed to do for that mass. Actually, he did quite well and looked rather handsome, too.
And this morning we were in church again for rehearsal for tonight’s Easter Vigil. I’m excited about this since we are sponsoring our friends into the church. It’ll be a long mass ( I counted 7 readings, an epistle and the Gospel) and one I wouldn’t normally take the children to, but it’s going to be well worth it. I hope Bip hangs in there well, or at least just goes to sleep.
Plus, Boo and I grabbed the opportunity to go to Confession after the rehearsal (Philip and Pumpkin went earlier at a Penance Service) so we are feeling clean and shiny, too.
Replacement Wohtee is on the way, beautiful church services, friends coming into the church and Easter dinner with more friends. We’re all feeling fine.
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